Bill's Blog

We all have heard of Positive and Negative Stress. I have been reading about the need for us to experience stress - whether it is 'Positive' or 'Negative stress. When we experience stress, our body produces Cortisol which enables us to cope or handle the situation. But what I have just learned is this:

When we produce Cortisol our brain is forced to find new pathways to manage the stress. These are called neural pathways. This is good, as it is similar to exercising muscles in our body, our brain is being exercised, which helps reduce the risk of developing Dementia and other brain disfunctions. Apparently, it also slows down the aging process. I quite like that bit.

Relaxation, on the other hand, is vital to producing Serotonin which contributes to our happiness and well-being. Relaxation also promotes healing - both body and mind. This used to be called 'Convalescence'. When I was a kid my Grandfather was admitted to a Convalescent Home in order to recover from an operation. They don't seem to have any of them anymore - I wonder why?

So, the answer to maintaining a healthy mind and body is to exercise both and then relax both. This is part of the process called 'Mindfulness'. Keeping our bodies and minds healthy and exercised helps us to become more self aware and ultimately happier. Try it - it works.

My topic this week is about 'Forgiveness'. We cannot fully heal from a negative situation without learning to forgive the offending party - "easier said than done", I hear you say . If you have been hurt by someone, the question that's worth asking is - " who am I hurting more by remaining in a place of non-forgiveness"? Very often, our pride or Ego is bruised and we feel that we will never forgive. But holding on to hurt is only continuing to hurt you - not the offender. Whoever has offended you is busy getting on with their lives and probably not even thinking about you or your feelings.

Whenever I have a client who finds it difficult to forgive, I ask "If you are not ready to forgive now, would you be willing to forgive some time in the future"? If the answer is 'Yes', I then ask " when might you be ready and why do you need to wait until then"?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you to forgive AND forget. You don't have to forget what happened, you only need to forgive, let go and learn from the experience. Forgiving someone for doing something that may have really damaged or hurt you in some way is - in my opinion - the greatest act of compassion and love you can offer that person. Also, by forgiving, you are also forgiving yourself - and that is a great healing tool that you already possess. Remember - LOVE is FORGIVING or LOVE IS FOR GIVING - you decide. Both work for me.

Gratitude or being thankful for something is a beautiful concept, however, it means little or nothing if you don't 'feel' grateful. It's all very fine saying 'Thank You' to a friend or colleague for doing a favour or giving you something, but it has no meaning if there is no feeling behind it. Very often we insist that our children say 'Thank You' to Granny for a present, or we are embarrassed into saying 'Thank You' for something that you don't really value.

'Thank You' are just words - True gratitude it is an emotion.

In The Law of Attraction, one of the steps to attraction is to be grateful for whatever it is you want to manifest - even before it arrives - a difficult concept to get your head around. So, how do we do it?

This is where using our imagination comes into play. Did you know that the human mind cannot tell the difference between 'imagination' and 'reality'? There is no line to cross from when we stop imagining something and actually physically manifesting it. So, we can actually fool our minds into manifesting something by imagining that we already have received it. We do this all the time without realising it. For example, if you were in a dark room and heard a noise, your mind could start imagining that there was someone in the room with you. If you continue to imagine, that feeling of concern or fear would grow into a real feeling. The fear would be real - not just imaginery.

However, we can all tell when someone is really grateful for something we have done and when they are not. If you can recognise the difference, you can tell when you are truly grateful - basically, you 'feel' different. As a short exercise, ask yourself this question - "How grateful do I feel for my health, my living conditions, my friends and family, and my present financial state"? Close your eyes and really feel how grateful you are. When you can feel these emotions, then close your eyes again and imagine the feeling you would have if you manifested something you really wanted in your life. This is one of the steps in manifesting. Here's a photo of someone I'm grateful for. More next week.

One of the most common failings we have in life is a lack of consistency. I know this from my own learning experiences throughout the years. I'd really love to play the guitar well, but I know I lack consistency when it comes to practicing every day. My question to myself has to be "how much do I want this?", " how important is this on a scale from 1 -10?. I know when I answer these questions (honestly), the answer is "not vitally important". When it comes to something I really really want I know I can generate enough energy to create it and somehow, it is easy to achieve. When we really want something to happen in our lives we must be committed and consistent - "easier said than done" - I hear you say.

So, what is the answer?

1. How about writing down three things you want to achieve, e.g. losing weight, exercising more, learning to play the guitar - whatever.

2. Next, give each item a time scale. How long will it take to achieve each of item on the list.

3. Take time to visualise the results - see in your mind's eye what the result would look like.

4. Now, take time to get into the feeling of what your reached goals would FEEL like.

5. Repeat steps 3 and 4 every day for 21 days, taking note of how different you feel daily.

Be kind to yourself - if you miss a day - no big deal. The key is consistency and awareness of your feelings.

Drop me a note and let me know how you are getting on. Perhaps I can help keep you on track.

This is an article written by a Psychotherapist in Toronto.

I have had a psychotherapy practice in Toronto for many years now, but when I started to use EFT about 6 years ago it was as if I had been treading water up to that point!

I have had many dramatic events in my practice since then, but I wanted to talk about one in particular, because there seems to be such a great need for good news about this condition right now. My client, Katia, who is happy to share this information with your readers, has a 7-year-old son who was diagnosed many years ago with severe autism.

Her husband quit his job and devoted himself full-time to helping David function as well as might be hoped. And her husband was certainly able to make a difference, after three years of enormous effort. But like many parents of autistic children, he began to run out of steam. It’s a very demanding role for a parent to fill, as you know.

Katia came to me without her son, David, and together she and I worked on some of her frustrations as a parent. And I gave her some statements to use with David. We decided that we would work initially on making him more responsive to his parents and less of a challenge to their patience.

Katia told me that David was very sensitive to noise, and would scream and cry when she turned on the blender in the kitchen. He would also scream in the car if she had the radio on. The statements she began to use with him were:

Even though the sound of the blender bothers me...

Even though it hurts my head…

Even though I hate those noises…

Katia also told me that, like many autistic children, David had suffered a trauma when he was born. The doctors had to use a vacuum and then forceps. Katia couldn’t see this, but she could see the expression on her husband’s face, which went white with anxiety. As well, he was vaccinated 12 hours after being born.

So we added statements to release this trauma.

Even though it was terrible when I was born…

Even though I was afraid…

Even though it didn’t feel safe when I came into the world…

Even though it hurt my head…

Katia would tap every evening while David was going to sleep. She would tap on herself as a surrogate and on him. She added statements for his speech problems, and his difficulty communicating.

All this time Katia’s husband was away on a trip. When he returned after one month, he noticed immediately an ‘enormous’ change in his son’s behaviour. He said he hardly recognized David. These are some of the things he and Katia saw in just one month:

• David’s speech improved dramatically. He would answer questions, something he never did before, even when they were simple yes or no questions.

• He would ask for things in complete sentences: “I want bread” instead of using one word ‘bread”.

• He started noticing other children and wanting to play with them (before he seemed lost in his own world).

• When he was playing with children, he would follow the rules of the game.

• He was visually focusing on his parents, making conscious eye contact and holding it for minutes at a time (before he would look all around the room, but not at them).

• He was clearly processing information from them when he was making this eye contact (his eyes seemed active instead of vacant).

• He stopped screaming when he heard loud noises, and even asked for the radio to be turned on in the car (in Katia’s words, there was no chance this could happen before… he didn’t like music from any source except TV).

• It was possible to negotiate things with him for the first time, i.e. If you eat this apple, then you can have a cookie.

• He started eating apples… bananas were the only fruit he would eat before.

David's grandfather was away for a month as well, and he agreed that his grandson had made a big shift while he was away. Normally it might have been difficult to clearly identify EFT as the cause of this change. But because David’s father, Yuri, was the one who usually worked with him, while Yuri was away, virtually no extra time was spent with David on his autism. Katia was busy just taking care of the house and preparing meals, and so the only extra time spent with David were the few minutes she devoted to tapping in the evening.

Katia continues to work on David and he continues to make progress. Interestingly, Katia and Yuri feel that part of their challenge is to work on their own issues; that in some way David is reflecting their own unresolved ‘stuff’. But right now they both believe that David’s autism can be completely overcome and that his developmental delay is the main thing now holding him back.